Split Pea Soup
A man walked into a diner, and he sits down. The waitress comes up to him and says the special for today is Split Pea Soup. And boy does the man love split pea soup. So he orders a bowl. The waitress says "Sorry sir, but...
YMCA
The blonde saw a sign that said YMCA and she said: "Look they spelt MACY's wrong!!!"...
Blessed!
A pastor got pulled over for speeding and the pastor said "Blessed are the merciful" ... and the cop said "Go and sin no more"!...
Ropes & Mushrooms!
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve ropes here" so the rope leaves. Loops himself up, and rubs himself against a brick wall. He then walks back in the bar.
The bartender says "I told you we do...
Kindergarden first day!
So this little girl comes home right? And she goes to daddy and says "I'm never going to school again." So the dad replys "why??"
She exclaims "because my teacher said 5+5=10, 6+4=10, 7+3=10 ,8+2=10, and that 9+1=10!" ...
Three island men
There was 3 men an englishman, a german and a scotishman they were all stuck on a island. One day they found a lamp they rubbed it and a genie came out. He said "you all get one wish". So the englishman said "I wish I li...
Doctor
Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I feel like I'm being ignored. I been waiting forever!
Doctor: Next!...
Dog needs job!
One day, as a dog was walking by a store, he noticed a sign which said, "Now Hiring: must be able to type 70 words per minute, and must be bilingual. Equal opportunity employment." The dog took the sign in his mouth and ...
Numbers Game!
This guy walks into a bar for the first time, and he's sitting around drinking. Some of the old timers are telling jokes. One of them says "Seventeen" and the other old timers all roar with laughter. A little later, anot...
Penguin man!
There was a man walking down the street, and a security guard came up to him and said “why is there a penguin following you”? And the man said I don’t know, he just followed me. And the security guard, “you take that pe...
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